marriage is a mistake…

… when we think it marks the end of courtship and fun!

Marriage is just another milestone in life that we choose and decide to take on, as a couple. Unlike some other countries, there is very little support for single parent families here, so perhaps, some of us enter into a marriage for the convenience of the governed living ‘policies’.

Marriage, does not mark the end of fun, it’s just a beginning of more fun!! Whether you are planning for an inclusion of a new family member, or harnessing on a crazy tour around the world with some small money, more fun begins, right NOW!  You just need to power up the positive thoughts!

There are so many negative ‘hand-downs’ from the past generations before ours, that we are plagued with phenomenally huge fear that we might not even know why! We fear that if we don’t start getting dead serious about working ourselves to the grave, we may never be able to raise a family; we fear that if we had too much fun even when we are married, we may never be able to achieve anything in life that could see us through our golden years.

As far as Mike and I are concerned, the day when we said ‘I Do’, it was and still is, solely sincere and genuine. We decided then, we decide later.. to create our own rules in our marriage. We refuse to wear the conventional coat, but we are welcoming the eclectic ideas driving towards a more holistic approach towards freedom of joy and happiness.

What we experienced during our courtship, may always be recreated, renewed, and reinvented, agree? The extra little effort we would make for each other, can always be present in marriage. For most of us, we merely chuck that ‘extra effort’ into the mountain-piled of boxes in the messy storage room. We think we don’t need to try harder anymore, now that we are married. Now that we ‘owned’ each other. Seriously, what cave people still think that way? If I won’t even say that my parents own me, how would any man own me? How pathetic and powerless we may become when we surrender our ownerships to ourselves to anyone else?

We do not own anyone, we own the marriage that are made up of two loving people. We own the marriage, hence we are responsible to keep it alive and healthy, always.

Remember those times when our boyfriends would come fetch us after work, every day? We had something to look forward to, so did they. Why do those sweet times cease to exist in most marriages? Mike and I are married since 01 Feb 07, he would still try to send and fetch me to and from places whenever he could, just like before. No doubt, we may get busier, but we will always be busier, if we choose to, no?

I love my new morning walk regime, not only that it freshens up a good day, but also, now I have something to look forward to too. I don’t plan many things that include Mike. I have always resent people making plans on my behalf. I am very strong headed, I can think quite well, and I am certain I am quite capable of planning my own activities and how to utilize my time. I hope this practice would allow both of us to breathe as normally as we have always been, as though we were still single. Mike is more than welcomed to join me in my walk, in fact, because I am not forcing him to adjust his lifestyle and routine, he is more willing to share his precious sleep time with me in the morning walks. I am very happy when he joins me, and I am not upset or disappointed when he doesn’t. When we expect nothing, we receive every joy and happiness in return.

morning walk with the life partner

(the mushrooms grown alongside the path)

I am including a new exercise regime to my daily routine, since.. yesterday. Mike has promised to join me for this morning walk, and he kept the promise, with very heavy eye lids. (~.~)

With Mike around, I get to ‘explore’ more areas in my neighborhood, as though I am a visitor to this estate. We have a new jogger/cyclist route which seems to quite a long stretch. It is brilliantly tucked away from the roads, so you are not exposed to vehicle fumes and dusts that fly up from the wheels.

I am liking this morning walk very much, it allows you to freshen up and know that there are smaller things in life that deserve appreciation. With the scope of our jobs, we have the luxury to take a small fraction of our time to enjoy a refreshing morning walk.

I am not too hopeful that Mike would keep up with this regime though. He is never too good with fixed schedules. We used to have one morning walk regime, which he would excused himself every other time. I am glad that this new route is within walking distance, so I could keep my regime with or without Mike’s companionship. The only problem is that, I wasn’t paying attention to how we got there, and how we gone back home!!! The first thing I noticed was that we were climbing up the stairs to exit from the jogger’s path, the next thing I knew, we were already at the carpark near our place! How did that happen!!! I need the ‘middle’ section!!!

The pace in this large city is fast, often we neglect the process of living, and only work towards the ‘tomorrow’, or the end of journey. We may envision the future, but we should not neglect the present. This very present can never be recreated, so live it well, live it full.

A few decades later, I hope we will still be taking our morning walks together, we won’t have urgent matters to rush the day out, and we would sit on the bench, relax a little before heading for breakfast. I am not a fan of sunrise, but I do adore sunset. Not exactly because sunset is more beautiful, or is it? Perhaps I am a lazy bum down to my bones. Sunset may signify retirement of each day, when the pace slow down gradually, and we are usually less tensed in our nerves, and we are ready to relax and enjoy the evening. Evening is normally cooler than day, it soothes the mind.

Take some time to be participate actively in your life partner’s lifestyle, but do not strain yourself to do it. No one should feel under obligation, this should be an enjoyable process. Willingness is the key to a healthy mind and soul.

I said I do, because…

… because…

I want to grow old with you

I want us to recount the sweet moments we had together, many years from now

I want us to count the wrinkles off our faces, when the sun sets, and we sit blissfully on a bench waiting for time to pass

and perhaps more to add along the way…

None of what I visualized includes other people, in this simple movie, perhaps approaching the end of this life time’s journey for us, there is just you and I.

By acknowledging this, is powerful, because the usual fuss of your family, my family, your ancestors, my ancestors, your colleagues, my colleagues (I really have no present colleague though), your friends, my friends, your ants, my bugs, and everything else, are no longer quite a fuss. They are just attachments that would eventually be out of the picture… the sweet small framed photo will only show a ‘You’, and a ‘I’, and perhaps your puppy, and my meow. The rest of the miscellaneous people will have their own photos, their own stories, perhaps placed near ours, but they will never be in this uniquely ours photo.

Marriage, only happens to me because it is a joy injecting ‘event’. Marriage is impossible to me, if it’s meant to add hassle to my already complicated life which I am constantly de-complicating. Marriage, is a life-time sharing journey with someone most special. Marriage, exists for a simple reason – happiness.

Marriage doesn’t necessarily change everything in your life, how frightening is that if that is true! Hell, I would never have said yes if I knew my world was going to take such a drastic change! To be honest, I was in perfectly clear and joyful state of living when I was dating Mike, that ’stage’ alone took me years of tears, blood and effort to reach. I had and have absolutely no intention to have a complete face off for that matter. Getting married with Mike only means that instead of growing and learning alone, I now learn and grow with him, and continue to progress as better persons.

Keeping things at the simplest basics, maybe be the easiest way to live a less complicated life.

Say I Do, because you really do.

Marry someone, because you want to see him/her through at the end of the road

bangkok 18 oct 09 – day 5

The problem with the last day of the trip is that I always couldn’t sleep well. I would wake up every hour because subconsciously, I was worried that I might miss the flight!

We had breakfast in the hotel and went back to the room to start packing. We had quite a bit of time left, so it’s bejeweled time again! I am obviously a better player!

Before I forget, I’d better take a picture of my birthday present, from Mike. Hmmm, I look a little like the 3rd grade lady killer, eh?

The checkout was perfectly smooth and we were gently reminded if we had collected all our belongings in the room before we checkout from the hotel.

By the time we went down to level 1, the taxi which the frontdesk has arranged for us was waiting for us. The porter, was friendly and polite as always.

This flower heart was hung up on the pillar at the airport, where we had our lunch.

Mike had Thai food, which looked rather mouth-watering, unfortunately, according to Mike, the dish looked better than it actually tasted. I can’t complain about mine though, it was a hyper sinful chocolate ice-cream, with brownie, with choc chips, with syrup!

The short trip ended with a sweet note, with an amazingly good impression left with us by the boutique hotel – SilQ.

bangkok 17 oct 09 – day 4

Breakfast was settled at the hotel and we went back to the room till late morning.

We decide to return to Central World and have the boutique check the watch that Mike bought the day before. We suspect that the watch’s battery is dried up, hence not moving. The day was spent in Central World, and I managed to have my waffle after all, at Haagen Dazs.

After collecting the watch, we decide to head back to the hotel. We had lunch at the Beer Garden, and spent the rest of the day in the hotel.

When we have nothing else to do, I decided that Mike needed a new wallpaper for his newly ‘customized’ sparkling blueberry. Previously, it was just the plush meow, which I ‘forced’ him to keep as wallpaper. Now, it’s a double nightmare for Mike! He is constantly terrorized by the images of the wife and the plush meow..hiak hiak hiak.

What can I say, most Thai women are demure, and soft spoken, it’s easy to get influenced, or at least try to fake it when you stay there even for a couple of days. Right, surely for my case, it’s a denial kicked in when my bio-number took a flip in the page, so I’d probably try to discount the actual bio-number by acting cute in the photo. wahahaha

At evening time, we decided that we were not going for dinner since the late lunch was still full in the stomach. We challenged each other with bejeweled and watched Notting Hill on the telly. Suddenly, the bell rang. We were rather puzzled because we weren’t expecting anyone. When Mike opened up, the team of 3-4 hotel staff started to sing birthday song! One of them was carrying a plate of cake with a lit up candle on the plate. What a pleasant surprise! I was asked to make a wish before blowing out the candle. It’s very sweet and thoughtful of the hotel staff to do this for the guest, and I am not even the principal guest!

I am truly moved by the nice gesture.